“This is where I see the face of God,” says Bock. We’re in a dingy sex shop, somewhere in the endless sprawl of Los Angeles, and the clientele are giving me a creepy Pulp Fiction vibe. I’m sure there’s a room out back that sees plenty of action, not all of it consensual.
Bock is a pensioner now, but a lifetime ago he was part of the Fratenitas Saturni. He’s got a hard-on for Nazi occult bullshit, and bangs on about sex magick as gnostic liberation, but really, he’s just a dirty old man. If he didn’t occasionally turn up something useful, I’d probably have found a better place to hang out this evening.
His approach to divination is to take a load of mescaline, watch some weird hardcore pornography, and wait for the universe to speak to him. I find it a little depressing that his window into the sublime is through human depravity, but hey, whatever works.
Most of what he gives me is the usual cryptic garbage, but once in a while there’s something I can run with. We talk, and I make notes as he peruses the latest DVD imports of improbable kinks; nothing chimes from his latest communion, but I slip him a few bills and make my excuses. Even the city air feels cleaner than the clammy atmosphere of the shop.
With nothing to go on, I decide to visit another of my sources. Technically I could walk to Stan’s place from here, but I don’t trust these streets, especially when it’s getting dark. In the cab I review my notes; I’m still not making any connections, but the phrase ‘Potbelly Squeals’ feels familiar. It’s like that sensation of a dream you can’t quite remember; the details are lost, but a kind of mental flavour lingers on.
Stan is not a pervert, but he’s just as strange as Bock in his own way. Stan talks to UFOs through his TV set. Give him a chance and he’ll regale you with a sprawling narrative about reptilians and Ashtar and higher vibrational energies. The story is always changing, absorbing every new ‘revelation’ that surfaces on the internet, but for the most part the saucer crowd seem to agree on it.
I think of it as an elaborate roleplaying game that the players have convinced themselves is real. It’s fascinating to watch the tenuous connections reach out and ensnare real world events, linking them to the interstellar fiction. Nobody has ever really explained to me why Earth is central to these alien antics; maybe ET finds our weirdos as fascinating as I do.
Stan doesn’t have anything new for me, but we smoke a little weed and chat while the TV buzzes with static in the background. He’s fired up about Earth energy, ley lines, and UFO movements; he’s been drawing maps and making odd connections. This sort of thing is my bag, but my brain fogs up after a while and I get left behind by his rampaging train of thought. I make some notes, snap a few pics of his maps, and leave for somewhere quieter.
Through Stan I’ve met a lot of the LA saucer crowd; contactees and abductees, self-confessed hybrids and incarnated space ghosts. Probably the most interesting is Penryn. He claims to be from another dimension, which you could almost believe from his sickly blue pallor; I don’t know if it’s make-up or a serious medical condition, but he certainly doesn’t look right.
I nearly consider dropping in on Penryn to talk about metaphysics and the ‘outer things’ he’s supposedly hiding from, but he’s a recluse and doesn’t appreciate uninvited guests. Instead, as the city lights up and the night people come alive, I slink back home, grabbing some whiskey on the way. New graffiti has popped up on my block; a slavering bat-winged creature looming over incomprehensible writing. The vampiric horror seems to move in the flickering neon light, an effect that makes me feel queasy. I hurry past it.
My apartment looks just like any other crank’s, with layers of notes, cuttings, flyers and photos pinned to the walls; a section through the strata of California’s weirdness. This is my hobby, looking for correlations and cross-correspondences in the occult trash, trying to find patterns in the noise. I guess you could say I’m as bad as the saucer crowd in that respect, but while I love this stuff, it’s not like I really believe any of it. At the same time, I’m hoping to find something if I dig deep enough. I just don’t know what it is.
The nausea has abated, so I pick through the leftovers of yesterday’s Chinese and then practice my own form of divination; surfing Facebook with a large glass of Scotch. From time to time, you encounter a spooky coincidence in your newsfeed, and tonight the algorithms deliver. I click on a link from a history page, and start reading about Gobekli Tepe, a Neolithic site in Turkey crammed full of weird stone pillars. What catches my eye is that Gobekli Tepe means ‘Potbelly Hill’ in Turkish. Potbelly squeals, Bock?
I spend several hours reading up on the ancient history of the region and megalithic sites, referencing Stan’s ley line maps, and drinking plenty of whiskey. Eventually I’m just sleepy and confused, so I crash on the couch and surf channels for a while. I stop on a program about exoplanets, new methods of detecting worlds around distant stars, what we can learn about their composition and atmospheres and climate from so far away.
In my addled state, I compare myself to the scientists making these discoveries; they might be using physics and multi-million-dollar machines to look across vast gulfs of space and time, while I’m rooting in the trash of America’s kooks, but aren’t we both just looking for answers? If there’s a reason for all this, aren’t you as likely to find it in the dirt as in the stars? Or is my project just a pointless obsession; a futile, masturbatory act?
At some point I pass out, and dream of a vast metal cube, hanging in space. I know with absolute certainty that there are living things inside, and suddenly I’m afraid.
—-
As dawn starts to stain the horizon, the curious T-shaped stone pillars of Gobekli Tepe start humming. The sound grows rapidly into a high-pitched electronic squeal; weird lights play over the site like the aurora borealis. As quickly as it began, the phenomenon suddenly stops.
Many light years away, wings rustle inside a dark prison.
